When the Kids Miss Mom

How Stay-at-Home Dads can Handle the Tough Situation

As a stay-at-home dad, you are the children’s security blanket. You’re their constant throughout the day. You have likely developed a strong relationship with them as a result. They love you and respect you for all of this.

The kids, though, miss their mom while she’s at work. And they certainly love her as much as you. It is natural that they will openly long for her while she’s away from time to time. It is necessary to respect their feelings when they long for their mom, to further support them and not let it all get to you.

Of course, those same kids also are pretty smart. While they love that you’re their security blanket, they also will try to find ways to poke holes in it from time to time for their advantage. And one common attempt is to use the absence of their mother against you. Guilt in this area can be a strong force.

So how does a stay-at-home dad handle the sometimes-tricky situation of calls for “I want my mommy?”

Certainly it is important to always be there for the kids. Comfort them if they need it, make sure they know there mom will be back at a certain time. Teach them when she will be gone and when she'll get back. Show them on the clock and the calendar. This will help reassure them that mom will be there.

Honesty is the best policy in these situations. Always be truthful where mom is and what she is doing. Kids react well to that.

And just as the SAHD has to deal with potential guilt of the kids missing their mother, the working mom likely is dealing with it in some form as well. She knows they have been longing for her when she is gone and they have probably told her from time to time they don’t want her to leave when it is time for work.

This can be tough. But support her and help each other to not take it personally. Leave all the feelings on the table. Both parents need to know this is a side effect of a family with a full-time caregiver.

Kids, especially young ones, aren’t necessarily brushing you off or playing favorites to be mean. They probably aren’t even being serious.

They are having a bad day, can’t communicate effectively what they are actually feeling at the moment or are simply bored of being with you. Hey, it happens to the best of us.

So don’t get all pouty. You’re the adult, act like it. Take it for what it is and know the mood will probably change as fast as it arrived. Definitely don’t fight back or say something that could be hurtful to the kids.

They may not be able to control their emotions or thoughts and probably aren’t planning on any long-term spite. You have more self-control, so try and use it.

Ignore the mood and don’t take it personally. The kids still need and will respect that constant.

One reason a youngster might be whining for his mom or saying he likes her better is he is trying to get something out of you at that moment. Even as a toddler, he probably knows mom isn’t showing up any time soon. The routine is engrained, after all.

But if he wants to watch an extra half hour of TV or get a sweet snack and you won’t let him, there comes the calls for mother. If he gets in trouble, the same calls come out. He is hoping you’ll feel bad mom isn’t around and give him what he wants. He’s using this guilt trip to see what it will get him.

Don’t cave. If you do, he’ll know that this ploy will always work and will try it more often. Then you’ll have a harder time fighting it off.

Tell him that if mom were here, she’d react the same way and tell him the same things. Eventually that should end the discussion – until tomorrow, at least.

After these struggles for supremacy, shrug it off again and view it as a sign of affection. The kids know you’re there for them. Wouldn’t you want them to miss their mother?

When she comes home for the day and all they want to do is see her, have her hold them and have her play with them, know that you have done a job well done. There’s definitely no reason to be jealous. In fact, encourage the reaction.

And don’t be surprised once they have their mommy time, if that affection starts swinging back at you.