If every time a stay-at-home dad heads out of the house, kids in tow, during a weekday morning shopping trip he gets some social commentary, he’s not going to want to run too many errands.
Don’t worry, it’s not like every excursion an at-home pop takes someone is going to call him a woman or say he doesn’t know a thing about kids. Most strangers aren’t going to walk up and out of the blue ask how the job hunt is going.
But the average SAHD gets plenty of comments, most of them stereotypical and many of the negative variety. (Although there are opinions thrown in that are flattering, and don’t be surprised to see a working dad tell you he wishes he was in your shoes.)
Still, dealing with misconceptions about what a SAHD does can be infuriating, hilarious and tough to respond all at the same time. How one does react to these situations can say a lot about how he’s handling the role in general.
Take the High RoadFirst and foremost, try and treat people with respect, even if they are not treating you with respect by passing along some misconception.
Chances are, if a stranger came up to you and asked if you were giving the wife the day off, they probably don’t know any better. While it may feel good to say something sarcastic or yell at them in front of checkout counter No. 3, simply explain that you watch the kids every day. Then leave it at that.
You could also grin, nod and continue on your way. If you don’t feel that you can get past them without roughing them up emotionally, move on by saying as little as possible.
There are enough comments directed at the at-home dad that this might be the best move anyway. There isn’t enough time in the day to deal with not-thought-out comments everywhere you go.
Open a DialogueOn the other hand, they opened this box. Engage them in the topic. Answer their questions truthfully.
Maybe it will enlighten them. Hopefully they will see the error in their way and gain a new respect for what full-time fathers do.
Show them the pride you have for what you do and for your kids. Hopefully that rubs off a little. You may even gain a new fan.
If they are still negative or don’t buy it, just thank them for their time and walk away. No sense in fighting the misconception too much. It will just make you mad, and they probably won’t think twice about it three minutes later.
Protect Your ChildrenBe respectful as much as possible, but if someone says or does something that you feel is a threat to your kids, stick up for your family.
If they try to give your 11-month-old a peanut butter cookie, explain to them that kids that young can’t have nuts. If other treats are offered and you are uncomfortable with the situation, thank them for the thought and say they don’t need anything right now.
If an overbearing grandmother doesn’t agree with your parenting, thank her for her advice and say you’ll take it into consideration.
As always, if a situation seems threatening or you are uncomfortable, remove your family from it. Go home right away if you have to.
Have a Sense of HumorAlthough it can wear down anyone to hear bad things constantly, laugh it off. Although you don’t have to say it to their faces, the commentators are the ones who seem to have the issue with a dad in public with his kids.
Keep a list of things you hear. Share it with your spouse and friends. Have a good laugh, but don’t let it ruin your day.
In the end, if you have been driven slightly over the edge with the unsolicited feedback, and just have to snap back, try to hit them with something witty that won’t come across as fighting words. Maybe they’ll see the humor in it as well.
In the end, it’s inevitable that some misconceived opinion is going to be directed at you. Take comfort in knowing what you accomplish every day and don’t let a misguided comment change how you approach what you do.
Trying to implement some sort of social change on them probably isn’t going to work anyway. And don’t be afraid to keep going to the store.