Explaining Your Decision to Friends

The decision to stay at home has been an agonizing one. So many little debates were involved: Could you afford one income? Would you miss going to work? How would the family handle new roles? Could you handle the kids all day, every day, by yourself?

You came to reasonable conclusions for each and decided to take the plunge. Now you must tell your friends. But don't worry too much about the typical SAHD misconceptions coming from them.

More than likely they’ll support you. You probably even included them in some way with the decision. High-fives should outnumber sarcastic comments.

There still will be some odd looks – it kind of goes with the territory. There will certainly be a range of opinions. Don’t be surprised if there is jealousy.

Wish We Could Join You

One statistic, which may be surprising to some, amongst the often-misunderstood stay-at-home role is that many men wish they could be a SAHD.

For the second straight year, a CareerBuilder.com survey, found that 37% of working fathers would stay at home with the kids if their spouse had a good enough income or the family was financially stable enough to allow the move. The job website has held similar surveys in the past, and in 2005 as many as 49% of working dads said they would stay at home if they could.

So don’t be nervous about sharing such news. Heck, make an event out of it.

Celebrate like it’s a promotion. Gather at a restaurant or sports bar or favorite basement, have some good food and drink and soak up the adult time. It may be the last you have for awhile (but try not to let such outings slip away forever).

Chat it up, and for those who have questions about your choice to become a full-time daddy, let them know why your family is making the move. And be proud about the decision.

A Whole New Experience

For those who think you are giving something up, such as upward movement in your career, let them know that you are giving up a lot more by working and staying away from the children all day.

The kids were spending 50 hours a week in day care. Now they are with you that whole time. How’s that bad? Finally you’ll get to experience their milestones.

It may be cliché, but there will always be time to work. The kids won’t always be kids.

According to that CareerBuilder survey, 46% of dads said they missed a milestone over the past year; 26% said they missed more than three.

Those friends will be hard pressed to argue those facts. Plus, let them know you still have a job, possibly a more important job than any of them have. Just don’t rub it in their faces too much.

A Different Kind of Work

For those who think you’ll sit around watching all the morning Sportscenter reruns, remind them that you will be on the go pretty much from the time you get up until the time you go to bed. With preschool runs, soccer practices, that newly crawling baby trying to get into the toilet, breakfast, lunch and dinner to make and too many chores to do, there’s not much left for highlights from last night’s meaningless NBA game.

If you get the less-than-a-man argument, just tell them you’ll see them on the golf course, softball field, basketball court or in the gym anytime (at least when you can get away). Then ask them if they are man enough to handle all the diapers and snot that you’ll face in any given day?

If any of them still don’t understand, and worse can’t support it, you probably won’t want them around much more.

But don’t worry about that. They would probably trade spots with you if they could. So raise another glass. Tomorrow’s going to be a long day.